Aside from the pathologically confident types, we all second-guess to some degree. But you might be suffering from second guessing too much, to the point that you feel your life is going nowhere, you’re limiting your actions and tripping over your tongue. Here I’ll suggest ways to understand and overcome this situation.
Second guessing is defined as questioning a decision or action already taken. Only a twisted person would never question his or her decisions and actions. In trying to become a better person, the very first step is to practice self-observation and critical thinking. We must certainly question our current way of life, our habits, our goals in order to make sure they’re really the best we can do, the most aligned with our essence and the most beneficial overall. So, to some degree, second guessing yourself is healthy and highly desired.
However, too much second guessing will make your life miserable. You can second guess yourself to the point of near paralysis, and complete lack of self-confidence. You can get so worried about what you say, that you end up not saying what you want, or even need to say. You can be so unsure of your decisions that you end up not making any serious decisions and thus blocking your chances of really living your life.
If this is your case or if you just feel you’re overly concerned about what you say and do, here are some pointers that may help you out:
- Dharma: take the time to learn who you are. Dharma means essence and duty. Dharma is the action that is born out a part of who you are. Dharma means living out your purpose, in the different aspects of your being: vocational, personal, relationships, community, spiritual, etc. In the book, “The 3T Path” (http://3tpath.com/books/), I explain in detail how you can understand your dharma and why this is so important for your well-being. Once you understand your dharma, you’ll always know what you should do. It’ll be as clear to you as driving down a highway.
- Do you best. Cultivate the mood of wanting to do your best, because that defines the quality of your life. If you go through life acting below your potential, you’ll naturally feel frustrated and disappointed. It’s not about the results or the trophies you collect. It’s about knowing you did your best. You don’t need to listen to other people’s opinion or be overly concerned with other kinds of feedback. You know the difference. You know very well when you were acting in the sincere desire to do good, to do your best as opposed to when you’re acting with selfishness and a negative or destructive mindset.
- Yes, you’ll make mistakes. Krishna says in the Bhagavad-gita that every action has mistakes, just as every fire has smoke. So, don’t be hard on yourself, and PLEASE, don’t expect perfection, ever. Accept this fact and you can loosen up a lot.
- Don’t focus on the result. This is a key element in general. Focus on the action, on the here and now. Bring your mind to just doing your best, according to your dharma, here and now.
- If you’ve activated your bhakti, your loving connection to God, cultivate the spirit of doing everything as an offering to God. This will help take the excessive attention from yourself and what other’s think of you.
- Let life flow. Learn to feel the flow of life. Life is happening and pieces are moving, way beyond your control or input. Feel that and flow with it. By doing your dharma, and doing it as well as you can, your contribution is already valuable, no matter what other’s think or what impact you think you’re having on the world.
By learning to be yourself and to be in touch with your purpose, you’ll naturally become free of the excessive worry of what other’s think about what you say and do. Being focused on your true self naturally gives you confidence and freedom from fear.
Watch my video on this topic here.
Look what they’re saying about The 3T Path book: “I’m Reading The 3T Path and it’s a balm to the soul. Simple, direct language, yet soft, like a refreshing summer breeze in the evening. I recommend the reading and the experience, I’m loving it!” – Catarina Bezerra