It’s happened to all of us. And it happens more often than we’d like. Suffering an emotional aggression isn’t easy. It hurts. So, how to deal with it? Here I’ll share 5 steps to deal with it, which will take you from pain to well-being.
Those who don’t take care of themselves and who don’t try to improve and spiritualize their lives, end up filling their hearts with the toxic waste of hate, resentment, jealousy, and so forth. Because they suffer, they lash out and make others around them suffer too. Those who cultivate the victim mentality are especially likely to hurt those nearest to them.
So, what can we do, when this happens to us? Here are 5 steps I recommend:
- Don’t return the aggression or pass it forward. The last thing you want to do is to lower your consciousness to the level of the aggressor. They’re suffering, and you’ll suffer more if you react in darkness. Hurting others is very painful for the doer, and, in terms of good sense and karma, you’ll just be setting yourself up for more of the same in the future. You will have failed the test, and be forced to go through it again.
- Don’t ignore, silence and bottle up the pain. If you do this, you’ll poison yourself. This toxic waste you just received is no joke. This stuff is nasty. It’ll burn inside you, whether you’re aware of it or not. It’ll stay there, festering. It won’t go away on its own. It’ll come back in the form of disease or sorrow, or as a stimulus for you to act in aggression in the future.
- Don’t think you need to educate the aggressor. This is a classic mistake! And it’s a disaster. For one thing, the person attacking you is not even thinking straight. Adrenalin is coursing through their veins, their amygdala is taking over from the cortex, and they’re basically acting like a beast. In this state, no one can learn anything. Further, the person is attacking you. At that moment, they’re hating or despising you. They are certainly NOT seeing you as a teacher, as a superior who can grant them wisdom. Whatever you say, no matter how brilliant, wise or incisive, will be interpreted merely as an attack, adding fuel to the fire.
- Without accusations, in neutral terms, after some time, communicate your pain to the aggressor. Give it a day or, at least, several hours. Let the passions die down and the brain restore its normal functions. Then, without judgmental tones, without hate, as blandly as possible, communicate the fact. Register the occurrence. By doing this you accomplish two things. First, you get it out of your system. It’s no longer bottled up inside you. Second, you let the aggressor know it’s been noted. It happened. It was wrong and it hurt. Don’t expect a reply. Don’t expect an apology. Require nothing from the aggressor. This is about you, not him or her.
- To really cleanse yourself of that toxic waste, invoke your greatest weapons: gratitude and love. This is tough, but if you want to really wash off all the toxic waste, you have to use gratitude and love. Bring to mind all the things that make you grateful in your relationship with the person. What about them do you appreciate and admire? How have they helped, at least in terms of you becoming a better, stronger person? And lastly, feel love. Emanate love for the aggressor. If you’re really strong, you can express it personally. If you’re not ready for that, do it internally. But that love, that deep honest desire for the person to be happy and evolved, will fill you with light and harmony, cleansing you of the toxic waste that was dumped on you.
Here are three further considerations to keep in mind.
- Create limits. As a crucial act of self-love, you must not be around people who are constantly attacking you. Sure, life’s tough, we all hurt others from time to time. It’s understandable. But you can’t submit yourself to regular abuse. It’s good for you, and it’s good for the aggressor to seek distance or simply terminate the relationship.
- It’s not personal. It’s weird to think that, but it’s true. The aggressor had toxic waste flowing out of him or her. You happened to be there to get it. It’s not about you. Whoever was there, no matter who it was, given time, would have gotten it. It’s not you that’s wrong, it’s the aggressor.
- Take shelter of God. If you’ve activated your devotion and spirituality, direct your mind to God and His and Her infinite love. Know that this world is a training camp for us deluded souls. We’re here to learn and return to our original state of pure and divine love. If you want to be surrounded by pure loving beings, you’ll have to qualify yourself through the process of self-realization to return to that divine realm.
In the book, The 3T Path (http://3tpath.com/books/) you can learn other techniques to deal with negativity, how to use that for your growth and also how to start your journey to self-realization towards pure spiritual bliss.
Watch my video on this topic here.
Look what they’re saying about The 3T Path book: “I’m reading your book and I’m loving it. You’ve played an essential role in my search for peace. I’m eternally grateful!” – Roberta Rocha