Tag: anger

Research shows your mind ranges from two mental extremes, which give you a radically different experience in terms of well-being and behavior. Here I’ll present these two extremes and suggest how to use this knowledge to improve your life.

One mental extreme is what is known as your defensive state. This is your animal brain having fully taken over command of your thinking and actions. Adrenaline is coursing through your veins. Heart-rate and blood pressure are up. Your amygdala is running the show and, because of that, it has bypassed your cortex, the part of your brain that does rational thinking. At the highest levels of defensiveness, you basically become a beast, scared and angry. I call this our dragon state. This may sound exciting, but it’s very unpleasant.

This state of mind is useful to save your life in situations of real imminent danger. The milliseconds your cortex needs to think about things could get you killed, so the amygdala takes over. If you’re running away from a flood or trying to survive an attack by a vicious animal, this is great. Not so great, however, if you’re just trying to deal with family and coworkers, traffic or something else equally non-life-threatening.

The other extreme is exploratory. In this mode, you’re engaged in something that greatly interests you. You’re absorbed in doing, studying and experiencing something to such a degree, your whole self is one with the here and now. In its purest form, this is known as the state of flow, where decisions and thoughts occur with lightning speed, with apparently no deliberation. The sensation experienced is one of joy, intense vitality and connection. I call this the angel state, where you’re more than a mere human. In this state, you’re operating at your very best, flowing with life and expressing your inner self brilliantly.

We’re very sensitive. Any perceived threat pushes us towards the dragon state. Even seeing someone’s grumpy face from a distance moves you towards defensiveness, even if the person is not looking at you. Thoughts are processed as reality by your brain. Feeling anxious about future events, fear of unpleasant outcomes or even reliving a bad experience are interpreted by your brain as actual events in the here and now, and thus trigger you towards your dragon state. You can see why we spend so much of our lives in a bad mood. We’re freaking ourselves out, though subtly, often unconsciously, all the time. And if we let our emotions take control, then we can go all out dragon in a fit of rage, over the silliest things, such as bickering over the choice of a restaurant with our spouses or in dealing with your teenager’s latest test of your limits.

Knowing this constant shifting of the mind, between dragon and angel, we can begin to assume control of our life experience. Here are three practical steps to achieve this:

• Engage constantly in self-observation. Be aware of your mind. Practice mindfulness of your own state of being and of your emotions. Be aware of your thoughts. This is a key habit to develop to live a better life and one that’s increasingly more emphasized by psychologists and gurus alike.
• Pacify your mind. As soon as you feel yourself uselessly drifting towards your dragon state, in anxiety of some future result, in lamentation of an unhappy memory, stop the downward slide. Do this by breathing deeply and calmly and bringing your mind to the here and now. Return to reality at hand, right now. Not the version of reality full of doubts and uncertainties your mind is freaking you out with, but with reality in the moment, happening around you. In short, practice mindfulness. If things are getting really agitated, then you’re entering the dangerous level of having your amygdala take over – full dragon mode. You have to take immediate action while you still have a little control of your cortex. The amygdala will shut down in response to slow steady breathing and the relaxing of the muscles and your mind will move towards your angel state again. Be aware and stop the dragon from rising before it’s too late. Check out this video on anger to understand better this process.
• Seek out your angel state. Do this by finding joy and meaning in everything you do. This is possible by becoming attuned to your dharma, your essence, and putting that into action. When you’re focused on living who you really are, you are taking your mind to the angel state. The more you can focus on living your essence, the closer you approach the perfection of the angel state. Full focus means being in the zone, blissfully absorbed in life.

In the book “The 3T Path” (https://3tpath.com/books/) I explain in much greater detail how to practice mindfulness and how to live and understand your dharma.

Watch my video on this topic here.

Look what they’re saying about The 3T Path book: “The 3T Pat is a book that connects yoga wisdom with your day-to-day, with practical tools and examples of how to keep your mind healthy, focused on the here and now.” – Taila Roncon

Are you always getting angry? If you are, do you get angry because you want to punish others for their mistakes? Are you feeling an overwhelming sense of justice and feel it’s up to you to make the world a better place by correcting the wrongs of others? Maybe it’s time to reconsider your role and tactics for a better life and a better world.

Next time you get angry, take a beat and reflect on what’s behind it. Are you getting angry because the world is unfair? Does someone need to be corrected? Somebody didn’t behave as you think “they should”?

Road rage is a great example. You get cut off in traffic, but why did you get angry? Was it the act itself? Just having to slow down ever so slightly, or swerve to avoid getting too close? Probably not. Driving is all about adjusting speed and position of the car. So, what really made you angry? The injustice of it! The “crime” committed by the driver, which you, in milliseconds, have judged as being a menace to other drivers, incompetent and irresponsible. And in a flash, your amygdala takes over, your cortex is shut off. You’re no longer in control. You’re no longer a sane human being. You’re now a beast sent to punish the offender. You gesticulate, yell and, in some cases, get physical about it. You basically make a fool of yourself, put yourself and others in danger and achieve little of use.

The same goes for a misbehaving boss, someone taking your parking spot or your child being unruly. It’s not the act itself. It’s the need to correct the world. It’s a cry for justice!

Anger, however, is never the solution. When you’re angry, you’re stupid. It’s you at your worse operating conditions. It’s bestial and the results can be downright catastrophic.  Even if it really does befall upon you to correct the deviant behavior, doing it with anger is never the way to do it. Even those whose profession involves violence and punishment, such as soldiers, judges, martial artists and police officers cannot act with anger. Even if it’s your job to knock someone senseless or kill them, this must be done with a cool head, in full control of your senses.

There are laws, there are cops, courtrooms, internal rules in companies, schools, clubs, gyms, etc. There are people whose job it is to correct, reprimand and educate the waywardly. Let them take care of it. And, anyway, there is the law of karma (https://3tpath.com/teachings/what-is-the-law-of-karma/) and God. It’s pretty much covered. There really is no need for you to act as judge, jury and punisher in the streets, parking lots, office or at home.

So, work on that sense of justice. Don’t try to curtail the anger that results from it, because it’ll be too late by the time it flares up.  Instead, cut that source of anger at the root. Redirect your sense of justice, from useless flashes of anger, to intelligent action. Justice is needed. Justice is divine. But so is mercy, peace and kindness. Make your home a better place with education and patience. Make the office a better place with cooperation and mutual friendship. Make the world a better place by, first, being the best person you can be, secondly, seeing how to influence the political scene and nudge it towards greater fairness, equality and opportunity. There is so much you can do. And getting angry will only make the world a worse place, and your life more miserable.

In my book, “The 3T Path” (https://3tpath.com/books/), I explain in more detail the neuroscience of anger, how destructive it is, and how you can learn to quell its rise before you lose control of yourself.

Check out my video on this topic here:

Check out what people are saying about my book, “The 3T Path”: “Amazing book and life changing, full of good advice and philosophical timeless wisdom! I highly recommend it!” – Radha Krishna

Anger is a terribly destructive mindset. When we’re angry, we literally lose our intelligence and thus, naturally, what ensues is stupidity. The good news is that both the reason why we lose our intelligence and how we can avoid anger have been recently revealed by neuroscience. This information is very powerful, easily applicable and will be a great asset in fighting your anger.

First, let’s put aside moronic notions that anger has a positive side to it. People equate anger with energy and the power to change and fight. This is nonsense. Professional soldiers and martial artists are very aware that anger is a dangerous trap, guaranteed to make them operate with far less efficiency. So, even if you’re in the business of killing or defeating people in combat, anger is to be carefully avoided. What to speak then, for the rest of us. If you’re not happy with your government, fighting for rights, hoping for more opportunity, etc. the feeling you want to have is not anger. It’s indignation, determination and courage.  Marthin Luther King wasn’t angry, neither was Gandhi, yet they brought about huge change.

Neuroscience has identified which part of your brain does what, and knowing this can help you deal with your negative emotions. There’s a part of your brain called the cortex. It’s that big folded-over gray part on top. Your conscious thinking and planning takes place there. When you reason, you use that part of the brain.

Your brain also has two small almond-shaped parts called the amygdala, your “animal brain.” It can help to see it like that: your rational human brain and your non-rational animal brain. Many animals, including fish, have amygdalas.

Your animal brain helps you survive; it’s your “fight or flight” response. When you are in danger, your amygdala triggers this response, readying you to either fight off danger or run away from it. Actually, there is also a third automatic response: to freeze. Think of a deer facing headlights. So technically, you have a “fight, flight, or freeze” response. In terms of crude wiring, we have our amygdala to thank for fear. In some bizarre cases of damage to the amygdala, a person can become totally (and impractically) fearless.

When you feel your heart rate speed up, blood pressure rise, and adrenaline being released, that’s your amygdala in action, the animal part of your brain getting ready for combat or quick escape. It’s sensing serious danger. That’s great when there is actually serious danger, say a snake, a car rushing towards you, a vicious dog unleashed or a mugger coming towards you from a dark alley. The problem is that the amygdala fires in all-too-common situations such as a presentation to clients, a meeting with your boss, or a talk with your angry teenage daughter. You don’t need an accelerated heart rate, more adrenaline, and more blood pressure for these situations. There is no need for fighting, fleeing, or freezing. So your amygdala is often firing away at the wrong times, for the wrong reasons.

And it gets worse. Your amygdala has the power to override your cortex. You may have experienced this—responded to a threat before you even had the chance to think about it. Again, this is great when there is a life-threatening event and a split-second reaction time can be the difference between life and death. But it’s terrible when what’s triggering your amygdala are run-of-the-mill events in your workplace or home.

Anxiety and anger can get out of control. When you become irrational due to anxiety and anger, it’s your amygdala firing away and overriding your cortex. That’s why it’s useless for someone to try to reason with you when you’re under the influence of strong anger, fear, or anxiety. Your cortex has basically shut off, so they have no one to reason with. In those situations you can’t even reason with yourself. You’ve lost your inteligence.

How do you calm down an amygdala in full swing? Neuroscience shows that two things are especially effective: slow, regular breathing, and relaxing muscles.

You can and should be in full control of your faculties, with balanced heart rate, breathing, and blood pressure at all times outside of the rare event of real physical danger. Breathe and relax your muscles to consciously power down your animal brain. This is the key to overcoming many instances of anger, fear, worry, and anxiety.

Check out my video on this topic for more information.